A Day of Celebration

I'm thrilled to be celebrating two pain-free days on the trot today (I'm not counting the occasional pangs of pain I had on both days)!

I've spent the last two days actually feeling like myself - I've had a lot more energy, I've been generally a lot happier and even my colleagues have said they can tell from looking at me that I look different for being pain free.  It's like a giant heavy load has lifted from me, the black cloud from over my head has finally floated on by.

Before these two days, my last pain-free day had been over a month ago on 16th April and my last two consecutive pain-free days had been 7 weeks ago on 3rd & 4th April.

Having these pain-free days feels amazing, I had forgotten what it felt like to feel like me, I had forgotten that how I was feeling wasn't how 'feeling like me' feels, if that makes any sense.  Daily pain had become such a norm that it seems that I had forgotten that wasn't how things are meant to be.

I feel elated at having these two consecutive pain-free days, but I can't help but feel a pang of sadness too that this is such an amazing achievement for me.  The fact that pain has become such a huge part of my everyday life that I celebrate hugely for being pain-free for a couple of days takes the edge off the celebration a little.

I'm hoping that this because of the amitriptyline I am now taking and that it represents a corner turned.  I'm hoping that instead of feeling thrilled at having the occasional pain-free day, that pain-free will be my new norm.  I'm hoping for my quality of life to improve so that I feel like me the majority of the time instead of such a small amount of the time.  I'm hoping I get to spend quality time with my husband again instead of forcing myself to play games together through the pain and suffering for it afterwards. I'm hoping for a brighter tomorrow.